tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20140406216448678252024-03-05T03:57:33.988-08:00Shards of J.AlyceMy shards, the tiny fragments in my life that make me who I am.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06232251363862936407noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2014040621644867825.post-68027627195611703882016-04-25T11:57:00.000-07:002016-04-25T11:58:48.507-07:00Did your Baby Resurrect?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I am walking down a pathway in Nairobi city. My feet, my
hands, everything physical about me is in the City, but my mind and heart are
upcountry. I can’t wait to get home.No wonder I don’t notice her. “Judy, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sasa</i>” She calls out from the roadside
where they are doing some manual work. I abruptly turn, it’s my former
immediate neighbor, where I moved out from like two months ago. Though we only
became friends toward my end of stay there, I am glad to see her. Truly, I am
glad to see her. She helped me a lot after the birth of my daughter, an amateur
mum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is not sure whether she should
come and greet me because her hands are dirty. She is planting grass, a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kanjo</i> project, I presume. But I call out
to her, come and greet me. So she comes, a piece of grass dangling from her
hands. I notice her face as she comes, she looks radiant, a little plumper
maybe, I am not sure.<br />
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I hug her tightly. She tells me they are doing a beautification
project for Nakumatt. Oooh… She asks me about my daughter and some other
details. Then she says it, “I have left my baby at home, He is big now.” Boom!
There it is, the topic I wanted to avoid. So I ask her, “Which baby?” but I
check my quick tongue just in time before she hears that. So I ask her whom she
has left the baby with and she tells me her sister. “I have started weaning
him.” She adds. The other women are now looking at us, interested in our
conversation.</div>
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I am getting late, I tell her that I have to go. I hug her
goodbye. When I turn away, there are tears in my eyes, my vision is blurred. I
can’t believe what she has just told me, her lack of emotion. A few weeks after I moved out of her neighborhood,
a close friend told me that her baby boy had died. Dead and buried. And now
this! I can’t explain the spring of mixed emotions that well up in me.</div>
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I don’t know what to do. I halt in my steps. I feel like
going back to her and saying something more but…What am I supposed to say? How
am I supposed to console her? Am I supposed to ask her whether the baby has
resurrected?</div>
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So, if it’s true that her son died, why is she lying to me?
Why is she reluctant to face the truth, to accept the finality of death? As a
mother, I understand this. A baby you have carried nine months in your womb, a
baby you have suckled, a child you have seen them smile and throw up their tiny
legs and arms in the air in utter nonchalance. And all that you have earned
with him is a few months of a lifetime. Sad, sad, sad and very sad, I repeat.</div>
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Personally, I don’t know how I would have dealt with this. I
don’t want to judge her. Maybe I should pay her a visit and find out the truth
for myself. Maybe I should send someone to talk to her. Maybe I should pray for
her. So many maybes. I am sorry Theresia. Sincerely I am sorry. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please have the insight of knowing that it is
not your fault that it happened. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I
promise it’s not your fault, and it never was.</b></span> <img alt="" 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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span>And if it ever comes to a time when I will
know the truth, I will forgive you for putting on a brave face, a fake smile, and
congratulate you for pretending that everything is okay, for asking God to give
you the grace to tell a lie. </div>
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And if it ever turns out that this is not true, then, “Shame
on grapevine!!”</div>
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I have been standing here for like five minutes now,
thinking about Theresia. I have booked a vehicle and my phone is ringing. It’s
the driver, I can’t hear the phone ring. Something rustles me back to reality,
I take my phone, receive the call and the driver is very angry with me. “Where
are you? I will leave you behind!” I run like crazy towards the stage, get into
the jav. All the passengers are shouting at me, for delaying them. I say I am
sorry but they don’t want to hear it. They continue shouting at me. I turn my
backs on them, I am going to enjoy my journey, the scenic view of the
countryside, that’s why I booked the front seat, anyway. I am crying, and I can’t
find my handkerchief, but ooh, please, the shouting behind me is the least of
my concerns now. I care less who is seeing my tears.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06232251363862936407noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2014040621644867825.post-7337774554006813182016-04-12T12:37:00.000-07:002016-04-12T12:37:43.772-07:00Dear Aprelle; An Open Letter to my Daughter.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS4oQMTvXEHkPqvAJSkIsJ26IUnfht1hCj0rP1umqCUiMyHxL3EFdcF8BglRJxbguN6TeIRyniEvtiVpS64gWa9p92dtE_BJLk2zJBjRLUy1KS4L8p1ZBmJ1Lqx0KH3V6JgRMb_-h3Fio/s1600/enve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS4oQMTvXEHkPqvAJSkIsJ26IUnfht1hCj0rP1umqCUiMyHxL3EFdcF8BglRJxbguN6TeIRyniEvtiVpS64gWa9p92dtE_BJLk2zJBjRLUy1KS4L8p1ZBmJ1Lqx0KH3V6JgRMb_-h3Fio/s320/enve.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My dear daughter Aprelle,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a warm night of April 2016. I am sitting here,
oblivious of the people staring at me as I try to chew gum on one side and popcorns
at the same time. Jordin Sparks’ No Air is blasting in my ears. I think I am
just of breath, how much I think of you, how much I miss you, yet you are a
thousand, I know I am exaggerating, but to me it feels like a thousand kilometers
away. Damn fate that it had to separate us this early!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is April, you are one year old, at least to me you are. To
others you are just three months old. But I know better. Happy First Birthday!
You have made it through your first year of this arduous journey called life
and I am proud of you. Not only have you survived this but you have also become
my friend, a friend I can count on. Thank You!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Baby Girl, this is your birthday month. Thank God it’s
April, and now I can declare to the whole world why your name is as such. When
you are old enough to answer questions for yourself, they will ask you; “Why
did your mum christen you Aprelle?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want you to
tell them; “What’s in a name?” That is a tired phrase. Let them know that in
your name there is something, a treasure. Let them know that your mamma did not
just wake up one day, where she was having dreams about months, and the dream
ended abruptly at the wake of the month of April. Or maybe she did, sometimes I
tend to believe it too. Let them know that your mamma didn’t stumble upon the
name on her way to school, picked it up, put it in her bag and stuck it on your
face at birth. Let them know that it is not just any other name.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been asked time and again with rolled eyes, “So why
Aprelle?” Baby girl, my heart gets heavy, my mind clouds, my eyes tear. I have
to take a deep breath before I reply, lest I change my mind and take off. I
hate saying it, my sweetheart. It takes a lot of control not to be outright
rude and say, “Why can’t you just take the name, leave the ‘whys’ to the wind and
MYOB. So simply I answer, “I named her Aprelle because she was conceived in
April.” Which is true yet a lie. You know better why I named you that. You have
been there, you have seen it, you have felt it, you have touched it, you have
tasted it. Whatever it was that I had to see, to feel, to touch to down in my
throat. I have seen you look at me quizzically, with your little innocent eyes,
when you hear me tell the half-lie, half-truth. I can see you piercingly peering
at me as if asking, “Mummy, haven’t you been teaching me to always say the
truth, no matter how hard?” My dear girl, I am failing you in this, but forgive
me, you know I can’t say it, until not yet, at least not now. Allow me this
untrusted exception. I have tried though, and it breaks me even further.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So baby girl, I hope you will have the strength to speak my
truth, and discard my lie. When you come of age, when you will find your voice
I hope you will tell them how loyal you were, how enthusiastic you were to see
me smile. Baby girl remember how you hugged me with your tiny cute hands on my
birthday earlier in the year? I hope you will give them the story. I hope you
will make them see the two Birthstones that are a mark of what your heart is,
of who you have been in the past one year. I hope that they will see the
Diamond in you that signifies <span class="tgc">symbolizes affection, strength,
eternity and of course- everlasting love. I hope they will see the Garnet in
you that is a symbol of fidelity and sincerity.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRV7uqg6vbAN7O1Tqbsjy2ysD6RaXeYpO2alb7BiRc2xc5Z2seW_BrsTV_ndBhvNQNwoMuAIbvN5YJTH267Ux0H0QQO2y78g1J_eFm3QpuqAy_FOUyVEioJrKluMi7ZEn8JZmC8IvcAJ4/s1600/garnet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRV7uqg6vbAN7O1Tqbsjy2ysD6RaXeYpO2alb7BiRc2xc5Z2seW_BrsTV_ndBhvNQNwoMuAIbvN5YJTH267Ux0H0QQO2y78g1J_eFm3QpuqAy_FOUyVEioJrKluMi7ZEn8JZmC8IvcAJ4/s1600/garnet.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Uao9zQR8ARG29fQurzxVX_UcVxOhxUXnxqAypO2uu2UO5puUG10OYA4aSiZJ-R4VHIY8p4e8CgK0oK89xt51mUFd21MPrVvXBM3Q9WZPlZA7PXidAm3W65uS1IVOBCJvIJO5mHunkSE/s1600/Apl-Diamond_456-95353_450x282.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Uao9zQR8ARG29fQurzxVX_UcVxOhxUXnxqAypO2uu2UO5puUG10OYA4aSiZJ-R4VHIY8p4e8CgK0oK89xt51mUFd21MPrVvXBM3Q9WZPlZA7PXidAm3W65uS1IVOBCJvIJO5mHunkSE/s320/Apl-Diamond_456-95353_450x282.png" width="320" /></a><span class="tgc"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="tgc">Aprelle, it’s my sincere request that you
will tell them that it came to a point. A point “when your mamma saw something
and it carried her away like a bus (forgive my direct translation).” Then she
had no choice. The only choice she had was to name you Aprelle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="tgc">I haven’t finished my popcorns yet, my
chewing gum is still on the left side of my mouth, but my music has stopped. Lights
have gone out. There are tears in my eyes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="tgc">So long, Aprelle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="tgc">Much Love, Mummy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06232251363862936407noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2014040621644867825.post-20327826005755313652016-04-08T08:08:00.001-07:002016-04-08T08:08:14.915-07:00Forgive Me, Lord.<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There are times in our lives when we are so consumed with guilt about
our own failings, when we are trying to find something tangible to hold
on to but all ground is sinking sand. Times when we strive for
perfection to try to prove a point, but realize on our own we cannot get
there. In this quest for brilliance, for stardom, it’s a journey laden
with tears and pain, and brokenness that’s beyond telling. That is the
minute we acknowledge that there is a higher being, a higher power than
ourselves that can propel us into perfection that we so much crave.
Words to the world fail, and talking to a human being is no therapy. And
until that moment of realization, we cannot bow our heads or kneel at
his feet to whisper this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://blog.storymojafestival.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/snap.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="snap" class=" size-medium wp-image-4791 alignleft" height="300" src="http://blog.storymojafestival.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/snap-225x300.png" width="225" /></a><strong> Forgive me, Lord,</strong><br />
<strong> if sometimes I am blind and I cannot see</strong><br />
<strong> beyond the bottom of my pocket,</strong><br />
<strong> if sometimes I am deaf and I do not want to hear</strong><br />
<strong> but what comes out of my mouth.</strong><br />
<strong> Forgive me, Lord,</strong><br />
<strong> if I do not help</strong><br />
<strong> letting myself be driven by the wave,</strong><br />
<strong> if I do not raise my head</strong><br />
<strong> letting myself be burnt by the desert.</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>Forgive me</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>when I am at mercy of the wind of indifference,</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>when I am stone</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>in a mountain of barren rocks,</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>thorn among the thorns,</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>glacier among the glaciers.</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>Forgive me, Lord,</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>and if you want to give birth to a star,</strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>choose me and teach me how to shine.</strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://blog.storymojafestival.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Forgive-me-when-I-am-at.jpg"><img alt="Forgive-me-when-I-am-at" class=" size-medium wp-image-4792 alignleft" height="300" src="http://blog.storymojafestival.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Forgive-me-when-I-am-at-275x300.jpg" width="275" /></a><strong> Forgive me, Lord,<br />
if sometimes I am blind<br />
and I cannot see<br />
beyond the depth of my own knowledge,<br />
if sometimes reluctant to raise my head<br />
and smile at the setting sun in hope<br />
Forgive me, Lord,<br />
if at times I dismiss your blessings<br />
camouflaged in sufferings<br />
if I am so overwhelmed by my own self-importance<br />
That I don’t give a chance to the world around me<br />
Forgive me<br />
if at times I feel no remorse for my sins<br />
When guilt is a foreign word in my heart<br />
Forgive me Lord, If am so consumed by my ignorance<br />
That I am blind to what is best for me<br />
Forgive me, Lord,<br />
and if you want to give birth to a star,<br />
choose me and teach me how to shine.</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06232251363862936407noreply@blogger.com11